I have Chronic Fatigue, but not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I'm on a lot of drugs for the illnesses I have. And because of this, I have debiliating fatigue.
This song reminds me of the fight against Chronic Fatigue *yawns*. I’m not yawning because this is a boring topic, I’m yawning because I’m exhausted. And nothing is stopping this fatigue. Nothing….
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is such a weird name for a disease. I mean, seriously…Chronic Fatigue??? No wonder people think the disease is a joke; it’s got a weird name.
Yup, a really weird name.
“Wake up…”
“Why are you always so tired?”
“What the hell? You have Chronic Fatigue too?!”
Those were some of the responses I got from people. I think they are shocked that I have so many things wrong with me. Well…I don’t mean to…it just happens…
“I am the one, who lost control, but in the end I’d be the last man standing.”
It’s true…I DID lose control. I lost control over my mind and body. Suddenly my body thinks it’s tired all the time when it really isn’t. But in the end, all these things have made me stronger.
“I am the one, who sold his soul, forever gone to be the last man standing…”
I started to take interest in God and my religion. If he couldn’t help me, then who could? Then I changed and became a different person. I wasn’t the old, quiet Anne with a boring life. I became a strong warrior of my people.
And I’m stronger.
“Glorious…”
Everything to do with God was good and everything about my religion I loved. I stopped doubting and started believing.
“Noble in my mind.”
Everything I do, I do to inspire other people. I yearn to lead other people to better ways. That’s why I started this blog. I hope to show people that you don’t have to stop living because you have a chronic ailment. The problem is, not everyone believes that. They don’t get help, so they give up. But is that really the right thing to do?
“Everything a fight to win…”
Horrible right? But that’s my life. Every day is a new fight to win. That’s what happens when you battle Lupus, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, and Cyclothymia. Yes, those awful demons…hounding me everyday. But that’s my life.
I’m a strong warrior. I don’t let people fight my battles for me. I do it all on my own.
“Taking all and giving…”
A few people have called me *selfish*. Selfish…no… Giving…yes. People accuse me of wearing my heart on my sleeve, of being too kind.
The fact is…maybe they were being too self-preservative?
“Whatever my pride would let me…”
Inspiring others gives me a good sense of pride. And in the end…I feel so strong and victorious. I no longer fear the fatigue that hounds me wherever I go.
“Not backing down, not giving in, I wouldn’t lose, I couldn’t.”
I CAN’T lose against this monster. And no matter what I will prevail. No one will get in my way. I will be victorious. I’m strong… I’m strong… I’m strong…
“I am the one, who lost control, but in the end I’d be the last man standing.”
Everytime I yell and scream at this monster inside of me it’s to become stronger and harder to detain.
“I am the one, who sold his soul, forever gone to be the last man standing.”
FEAR ME CHRONIC FATIGUE!!!!!!!
“I walk alone with my head held high…”
I always felt that I was dealing with this horrible disease alone. People either thought I was mentally ill, or just sick. No hope, they thought. And they saw me as this poor pathetic person.
But I wasn’t…
My head is held high and no matter what, I will win. I just can’t function with this fatigue. I need caffeine pills.
“Never felt that I belonged…”
I never really belonged. I was weird and still am a little weird. In a lot of the Lupus, Fibro, and CFS groups…I was always the more quirky of the members. All the people wanted to exclude others for saying things they didn’t like.
I was the only good person. I shouldn’t say that…but that happened in a group I was in…a long time ago.
“Stand my ground at all costs, running through life with blindfolds, just for the right-right to be wrong.”
I fought, I screamed, I did whatever I could to win. I was competitive. I thought everything was a race.
“Nothing would rule my world.”
Think of me as some great king. A king of my country, but instead of a country it’s a body. I just ruled and cast out all the toxins, disease, despair and madness that came along in my life. Nothing would beat me, nothing.
The natural order would return…
“Seeing clearer what I’ve done…”
All this fighting has rejuvenated my body. I am thinking of trying caffeine pills to reenergize me. Either that, or diet pills. It’s not the pain anymore that gets me; it’s the fatigue. It never goes and it’s a bracelet I can never take off.
“I’d refuse to let things go.”
I’d NEVER let things go back to the way they were!
“I could never once admit I’m wrong.”
Even though so many people have told me not to take diet pills, I still did it…I did it because I thought it was the only way to rid myself of this demonic fatigue.
“And what do I have to show?”
A healthier body. Doing things my way worked for me. But I don’t know how it would work for other people.
“Seeing clearer what’s at stake.”
If I can’t beat this fatigue I won’t be able to work or graduate. So beating this thing is a must!
“And the things I have to change.”
The things I have to change is the dietary supplements they help with Lupus and Fibro but not with Chronic Fatigue. I may have to be on diet pills for a very long time. Hopefully it won’t do too much damage to me.
“I just hope I can, it’s not to late, to get a chance to end this pain.”
It didn’t take a genius to tell him that she thought he was an idiot. Russell came from a different upbringing than her, obviously. He grew up in an orphanage by the sea. His parents died when he was little.
He was trained to be an agent for a religious organization…but for the most part, he hated his job. He was looking for something different, something that would set him free.
There was something else about her, the way she talked, the way she moved…she wasn’t like the other villagers. She was brighter and more physically adept to move like a normal person.
“What are you staring at?” she asked him. “You are making me uncomfortable.”
He blushed at his awkward stare. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I just was shocked to see a woman like you. You’re not like your other people.”
“Of course not,” she explained. “I’m more educated and well-read. You knew that, right?”
Yes, he knew that but he wasn’t expecting it…not her.
“I guess I’m surprised that…”
“I’m more intelligent than the rest of my people,” she finished the sentence for him. “Don’t deny, you think my people are idiots.”
He was taken aback by that accusation. “No,” he stammered. “I just mean…all the stereotypes we have…you don’t fit into them. I was surprised, that’s all.”
She shook her head. “Yeah right…”
“You don’t believe me?” He ruffled his black hair. His dark eyes were set on the Amazonian beauty in front of him. Russell was attractive, with his square jaw and cream-colored skin. He was a *catch*. But not to that woman…
“I’m sorry,” he apologized… “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just wanted some information…to make an analysis…by the way…my name is Russell.”
“Charmed,” she answered. “I need to speak with your officials…”
“I’m sorry I can’t help you with that right now.”
“Why not?”
“You’re being chased by a cult that wants to kill you, since when does that translate into idle chatter?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she muttered. “I just want answers. I want to know why those people tried to kill me!”
He shrugged. “Who knows...people are very strange. There could be a whole list of reasons why they wanted to kill you, and neither of them could be right. You want a clear answer, you ask them yourself.”
She laughed at the ridiculous idea, her green eyes taunted him. “Do you really think you, the rescuer, would throw me, a harmless princess out into the hands of those vile people?”
“Well for a princess you have some great language.”
“I was raised for this day…to meet your people.”
Her accent was more English than anything. She truly was a bright young woman.
They ran down the hallway, trying to avoid making too much noise. Something was wrong; something was very wrong. They were after her; they wanted her, but they weren’t going to get her. She was a beautiful native and possibly the last hope for her kind. He wasn’t going to let them kill her.
“Leanne,” he ordered. “Come with me. We can cut to the street and avoid them entirely.”
They ran down the stairs and out the front door. Thankfully, none of the cult members saw her. He was thankful…she had enough to worry about.
When they had made it to the park he took her by the hand and sat her down. “Okay, tell me about yourself,” he ordered. “What’s your real name?”
“I can’t tell you that,” she explained. “That information is mine and mine alone. Please do not make me tell you things I’m not ready to tell you, or anyone else for that matter.”
He was shocked that that woman was so incredibly bright and knowledgeable. None of the natives were that well-read. But that one, she knew everything.
“I’m Leanne,” she introduced herself. “I am a princess of the Amazon tribe. I come here to negotiate with your government. My people mean you no harm...”
“Well, we’re not all that friendly,” he explained, gesturing to the cult that had tried to kill her.
She nodded sadly. “Yes, I know. What do we do about them?” she was asking about the cult.
Russell looked out the window. There was shouting and angry chatter. The cult was wondering where their *body* went.
“We need to get out of here,” he explained quietly. “They are going to search all the rooms, and if you are found in them they will kill you and the person you are with. And no offense, but I’m not ready to die yet.”
